Happy New Year!

2008 bows out and we ring in 2009. Approximately 4,000 years ago, the Babylonians celebrated the new year at the first new moon after the vernal equinox. The Romans continued the springtime new year, but each emperor could not leave the calendar alone, so the date kept shifting. The Senate finally adopted the Julian calendar and started the new year on January 1. 

The Julian calendar had a 10 month year which is why Sept., Oct., Nov. & Dec. come from the Latin for 7, 8,9, and 10. They are now the 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th months because later calendar revisions added the months of July and August (after Julius and Augustus Caesar).

January is named for Janus (in Latin Ianus), the god of the doorway. He has two faces on his head looking in opposite directions - back at the old year and forward into the new year. 

New Year's Eve and Day have many traditions. Listening to Guy Lombardo and the Royal Canadians play "Auld Lang Syne",  watching the ball drop on Times Square, eating Hoppin' John. But the tradition that is closest to my heart is the Mummer's Parade in Philadelphia. Not the Broad Street parade, but the informal parade down Two Street after the official parade. Nothing says Happy New Year like doing the Mummer's Strut to "O Dem Golden Slippers" surrounded by a group of inebriated clowns, men in drag and other mummers! - as ever - BB

"New Year's is a harmless institution, of no particular use to anybody save as scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, friendly calls and humbug resolutions." - Mark Twain

Fruitcake

This much maligned holiday treat dates back to the ancient Egyptians. Fruitcake-like loaves were found in tombs and assumed to be food for the journey to the afterlife. Many believe those same ones are being re-gifted today, and would only eat fruitcake after they have shuffled off this mortal coil.

The Romans feasted on fruitcake as did many other cultures. But the Europeans' "discovery of the new world" and its vast supply of sugar increased the cake's popularity. In times before rapid transportation and refrigeration, the fruitcake was a good way to preserve fruit for winter consumption. The large amounts of sugar and generous use of alcohol, aid in preventing bacteria growth. They also account for the cake's substantial weight.

Some interesting fruitcake facts:

47% of recipients re-gift fruitcake; 11% throw them out; "feeding a fruitcake" is the term for soaking it with alcohol (which can be whisky, bourbon, rum or brandy); depending on custom a fruitcake can be fed over a day, month or an entire year; a fruitcake should not be served for a minimum of a week after baking to give the fruits the opportunity to ferment and increase  in flavor; kept in an airtight tin, a fruitcake can stay fresh for up to 25 years.

For the record, I truly enjoy fruitcake. It is a tasty, nutty treat. I prefer ones fed with brandy. - as ever BB

"The worst gift is fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world and people keep sending it to each other." - Johnny Carson

Password

Once an enjoyable game show with Allen Ludden, now passwords are the bane of my life. A true test of memory, it's not just remembering the password, but which password for which application. Personal email, work email, work computer, home computer, home alarm, work alarm, the ATM, work voicemail, home voicemail, this blog - the list expands exponentially. 

For security purposes, they are never written down, and must be more devious than birth dates, or family names. One day,  they will flee my dustbin-like cranium, and leave me out in the cold, albeit in peace - as ever - BB

Chico: You can't come in unless you have the password. I'll give you three guesses. Here's a hint, it's the name of a fish.

Groucho: Mary

Chico: Ha-ha, that's a no fish.

Groucho: Well she drinks like one. Let's see, is it sturgeon?

Chico: You crazy a sturgeon is a doctor who cut you open when you sick.

Groucho: I got it Haddock!

Chico: I got a haddock too. 

Groucho: What do you take for a haddock?

Chico: Sometimes I take-a aspirin; sometimes I take-a calamel.

Groucho: I'd walk a mile for calamel. 

Chico: You mean chocolate calamel. I like that to, but you no guess it.  - "Horse Feathers" from memory, so may not be exact. Also the problem with my passwords. By the way, in the movie it was swordfish.

Blasts from the Past

Before the era of super highways and 65 mph speed limits, driving cross-country did take longer. However, it gave the driver and passengers the lovely opportunity of enjoying  America's roadside charms. One of these treasures was the Burma Shave Signs. 

From the 20s to the early 60s, these poetic signs dotted the asphalt landscape. Placed 20 to 30 yards apart, six signs when read in toto gave a unique advertising message. Sometimes the boards conveyed safe driving tips, but no matter what the message, the series always ended with "Burma-Shave".

The interstate highway system and increasing speed limits, rang the death knell for these amusing  billboards. Here are some of examples of the kitschy, nostalgic doggerel:

Every shaver/now can snore/six more minutes/ than before/ Burma-Shave

A peach/is fine/with lots of fuzz/But your face is no peach/and never was/Burma-Shave

Within this vale/of toil/and sin/your head grows bald/but not your chin/Burma-Shave

On curves ahead/remember Sonny/that rabbit's foot/didn't save/the bunny/Burma-Shave - as ever - BB

"Genuine poetry can communicate before it's understood." - T.S. Eliot

Not The Usual Holiday Fare

The television stations are awash in holiday classics. Why do they play the same movies over and over ad infinitum? As a public service, I have compiled a list of some of my favorites. These usually don't make the airwaves, or if they do it's on a obscure network during the early morning hours.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - a 1964 film that has been on many worst movie lists. Look for an eight-year-old Pia Zadora as one of the Martian children.

We're No Angels - a 1955 film about 3 escaped convicts on Devil's Island, not your usual Christmas setting. Starring Humphrey Bogart, Peter Ustinov and Aldo Rey as the title characters, with Basil Rathbone as the dastardly, Uncle Andre, this movie doesn't have the standard holiday plot.

The Dead - a 1987 John Huston film based on a short story from James Joyce's "The Dubliners", quite a title for a yuletide movie.

The Shop Around the Corner - this 1940 film starring Jimmy Stewart is  more typical. I've listed it here because it's a hard find on TV even at this time of year. 

Holiday Affair - a 1949 film with Robert Mitchum and Janet Leigh. Casting Mitchum in this light, holiday, romantic comedy was a bizarre decision. At the time he was at the height of his film noir/war movie popularity. 

So, if you're sick of the same films, try one of these for an eclectic holiday jolt. - as ever BB

"...every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.." Ebenezer Scrooge

Eight to the Bar

This phrase comes from boogie-woogie music's use of eighth notes in a 4/4 measure.  It was made popular by the 40s tune, "Beat Me Daddy Eight to the Bar" which saw a resurgence in the 70s on  Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen's first album. 

Aside from virtuosity and a strong left hand, a good nickname is needed to be a boogie-woogie piano player: Memphis Slim, Professor Longhair, Cow-Cow Davenport, Piano Red, Speckled Red (these "Reds" were brothers who were both albinos) and Pinetop Smith. 

Many credit Smith with the style's first hit, "Pinetop's Boogie-Woogie", recorded on Vocalion Records in 1928. He was scheduled to go back to the studio in 1929. However Pinetop was shot dead in a dance hall before the session could occur. It's not clear whether he was the bullet's intended target or not. About 10 years later, a newly formed Downbeat Magazine printed an article about it titled "I Saw Pinetop Spit Blood". - as ever- BB

"I don't care much about music. What I like is sound." - Dizzy Gillespie

Trivia

Those who know me, know my penchant for trivia. Arcane facts interest me. Here are some examples:

What is the drive-in movie the Flintstones go to see during the credits?

The answer - The Monster 

Who was the first actor to win an Oscar, an Emmy and a Tony award?

The answer- Thomas Mitchell Who is he? You may know him as Uncle Billy in "It's a Wonderful Life", also Scarlett O'Hara's father in "Gone with the Wind"

Who are the only actors to win Oscars for portraying the same character in different movies?

The answer - Marlon Brando & Robert De Niro for Vito Corleone in Godfather I & II

That is just a sampling of the useless facts that fill my head. I have no idea why, but I remember the nonsense much easier that the important things - as ever - BB

"I like nonsense; it wakes up brain cells." Dr. Seuss (real name Theodor Seuss Geisel - his mother's maiden name was Seuss - more trivia!)

Holiday Shopping

"Once more unto the breech, dear friends, once more." Wm. Shakespeare, Henry V 

The line above is uttered by England's Henry V as he rallies his troops before the walls of the French fortress, Harfleur. Those words popped into my head as I entered a mall parking lot this past Friday. The ominous "Black Friday".

I can't remember the last time I went shopping on that dreaded day. I hate shopping in general, but that day is the apex of everything I despise about that pastime. This year, circumstances beyond my control forced me to enter this fray. To be honest, the experience was not at bad as anticipated. Of course anticipation is always worse than the experience itself. However, it was less than pleasant.

What really upsets me is the fact that my excursion had nothing to do with holiday shopping. So I still have the onus of that obligation with which to deal. Of course I do have 23 days to put off  that task. - as ever - BB

"Never put off until tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow." - Mark Twain

Giving Thanks

The American holiday for giving thanks is upon us. Thanksgiving is a combination of the English Harvest Home celebration and the religious practice of putting aside days to give thanks. As with many traditions, the origins become murky as time progresses.

America's first Thanksgiving in 1621 was really a Harvest Home celebration, rejoicing the settlers' first harvest. A day of thanksgiving was a very pious day for them, which would include fasting and prayer. Feasting would have been out of the question. It also was about a month earlier than the November holiday we celebrate today.  That first meal was pieless since they had no sugar or molasses. A potato would not have been in sight, as Europeans of that time thought potatoes to be poisonous. No silverware was on the table, bare hands were used to convey the food to the face. Turkey was probably not served. The fowl mentioned was more likely geese and ducks. 

Speaking of turkeys, many mention the fact that Ben Franklin proposed this bird as our national symbol over the bald eagle. He did mention that in a letter to his daughter, but it was more than likely a joke. As with his daylight saving idea, later biographers took Ben's bagatelles more seriously that he did.

Next up on my "things that weren't so" hit list are the words pilgrim and Puritans. The people of Plimouth Plantation did not consider themselves Puritans. Puritans wanted to "purify" the Church of England of it papist trappings. This group felt the Puritans weren't doing enough and separated from the church. They called themselves Separatists and more informally "the godly." As for pilgrims, William Bradford does mention they were "strangers and pilgrims" in this new land. However, the first Thanksgiving folk were not regularly referred to by this term until about 150 years after that initial feast. The term, new land, ignores the people who had lived there for a millennium, but that for another time.

Of course, none of these misconceptions tarnish the tradition of giving thanks for everything life has bestowed on us.  - as ever - BB

"Thanksgiving day is the one day that is purely American." - O Henry

Public Service Announcement

The cold & flu season is upon us and it's nothing to sneeze at. 90 years ago, an influenza epidemic swept the world killing 50 million people.  Here are some tips to help you cope with this annual annoyance.

The Lady Macbeth procedure: Wash your hands often to the point of obsession. "Out damn'd spot. Out, I say!"Rather than milady's imagined blood stains, you're targeting germs. Use soap, any type. The antibacterial soap thing is an advertising ploy. However, you must work the lather for at least 1 minute. Count 1-Mississippi, etc. or sing Happy Birthday twice. The latter produces interesting looks in a public restroom. When not within reach of a sink, a small container of hand-sanitizer helps. Also, bring a bottle of 99% Isopropyl alcohol to the workplace and regularly wipe down the phone, computer keyboard and other surfaces. Be sure it's 99%. There is a 70% version, aka rubbing alcohol, that is not strong enough to kill germs.

Jewish Penicillin: Scientists now acknowledge this age-old cure as a viable option. When cooked, chicken releases an amino acid that acts like acetylcyseine, a drug used for colds and bronchitis. The warm broth clears the nasal passages. The added garlic and pepper keep the congestion flowing. 

Drink plenty of fluids, take vitamin C and get plenty of sleep. You should limit smoking and alcohol consumption to aid your immune system. However, a little medicinal toddy never hurts. My family recipe is 2 parts Irish Whisky, 1 part boiling water, 2 tbsp. honey, a cinnamon stick. Sip this wrapped in a comforter or thick sweater. Repeat as needed. Gin is also a helpful anodyne. The botanicals blended with the alcohol can be very therapeutic. But in moderation - as ever - BB

I like to have a martini, two at the very most. Three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host." - Dorothy Parker

Public House

Temperatures drop, warm jackets, scarfs and gloves come out of storage, winter approaches. During these cold nights, nothing is as inviting as the warmth of a public house. Over history, the name has been shortened to pub. Whether you call it a tavern, inn, bar, or cafe, matters naught. The public house provides comfort, camaraderie and libation. 

During America's colonial times, the pub was a central gathering place where information was exchanged and topical events discussed. With the advancement in communication, we need not leave out homes to hear the latest news. While more efficient and effective, we've lost the personal exchange and sense of community the tavern provided. So, do yourself a favor and find a nice pub, settle in for a pint of ale and the warmth of conversation. - as ever- BB

"There is nothing which has yet to be contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn."- Dr. Samuel Johnson

Rainy Day Women #12 & 35

I never understood the title of this Dylan tune. Maybe that was his intent. But rain is a paradoxical thing. As a boy, nothing was more disheartening then a rained-out Little League game. However, rain during a football game was a surprise gift. Bruises and losses were inconsequential amid the joy of mud-covered combat.

The Bergeron process explains the condensation of atmospheric water vapor into liquid precipitation. How soporific! Earlier civilizations were far more poetic.  On the southern shores of Lake Titicaca is a ruin called the Gate of the Sun. Carved in the center is the Sky God. The ancient Inca believed that rain poured forth from his eyes and called it "tears from the skies".

Be it a stormy nor'easter or a gentle shower when you find yourself rained upon don't feel so all alone. Everybody must get wet! - as ever - BB

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby." - Langston Hughes

Neither snow nor...

"Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these courageous couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"  - Herodotus

Commonly believed to be the motto of the United States Postal Service, this quote describes the Roman historian's admiration for the Persian messenger service. Their task was to keep the emperor informed about the doings throughout his vast domain. The USPS has no official creed or motto. 

This misconception can be blamed on the architectural firm of McKim, Mead & White. They designed the James A. Farley Building in New York City at 8th Ave. & 33rd St., also known as the U.S. General Post Office. Their plans included placing this phrase onto the building. As a trivial aside, the inscription was carved by Ira Schnapp. He later designed the Action Comics logo as well as other logos for DC Comics. 

Originally, the receiver would pay for the letter. It wasn't until later that the postal service realized it would be more efficient and financially secure to have the sender pay for delivery up front. This brought about creation of the postage stamp. The idea of receiving the money up front probably came from another profession that predates even the ancient Persian messengers- as ever - BB

Lagniappe

This Louisiana Creole word means a "little extra something". It could be a mint on your pillow, a free cup of coffee, or an extra beignet in your bag. Kind of like a baker's dozen, but different. A Lagniappe is a freebie, given as a thank you, just a "little special" as they say on the Gulf Coast.

A baker's dozen traces it's origin back to a 13th century English law from the Assize of Bread & Ale. The court threatened draconian penalties on bakers and brewers who cheated their patrons. To insure they would abide by the law, bakers would add an extra loaf, roll, etc. Ergo, the baker's dozen is 13. There is no historical reference as to what the brewers did. Could that be why the Imperial pint is 20 0z. and our avoirdupois pint is 16 oz.? I'm not sure, but whenever I visit a public house and they serve their best bitter in an Imperial pint glass, I consider it a lagniappe. - as ever - BB

"He who has not been to a tavern knows not what a paradise it is." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Curse is Broken!

Billy Penn can once again smile down on the city of Brotherly Love. After last night's win, the Phillies are baseball's World Champions. No more need to mention the curse, the over 10,000 losses, the longest championship drought in a city with 4 major sport teams, no more waiting by the chimney with snowballs to barrage Santa. Okay, the last one is a personal thing and I still may do that. Many years ago I wanted a bike for Christmas and got a puzzle map of the United States. Are you kidding me? But I digress. 

The Phillies have quieted the Negadelphians and at least for a while the city can hold it's collective head high. Maybe W.C. Fields really would rather be there right now?- as ever - BB

"I once spent a year in Philadelphia. I think it was on a Sunday." - W.C. Fields

All Hallow's Eve

Halloween is fast approaching. With history tracing back to the ancient Celts, this holiday has gone through several transformations. The celebration as we know it in America begins with the publishing of Dennison's Bogie Book in 1909. Continuing through the 1930s, this book formalized what have become Halloween traditions from carving pumpkins to bobbing for apples. The golden age of American Halloween came with the post-WWII baby boom. Throughout the 50s & 60s, legions of trick-or-treaters laid siege to neighborhoods. Recently, the adult children of these same baby boomers have taken over the holiday. 

October 31, the Celtic Samhain, was a time when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead was thinnest. The spirits of the departed could transcend into the living world. To keep them at bay, masks and jack-o-lanterns were used to scare away these evil spirits. Now they are appeased with candy and confections. - as ever - BB

From ghosties and ghoulies and long legged beasties, and things that go bump in the night, dear Lord deliver us. - old Scottish prayer

Curses

James Dean's Porsche Spyder, King Tut's tomb, the Hope Diamond...all allegedly cursed items that bestowed doom on their owners. Sports has its share of curses too. Boston's Bambino curse lasted 83 years. In Chicago, the billy goat curse has foiled the Cubs since 1945. The Sports Illustrated cover curse has not focused on any one city or team, but many claim is just as ominous.

As the opening game of the World Series nears, another sport's curse could affect the outcome. That is the curse of Billy Penn. For nearly 100 years, no building was constructed that was higher than his statue perched atop City Hall. Philly's last championship was the 1983 76ers. In 1984, One Liberty Place opened and was taller than Billy Penn. No major sport team has won a championship since despite several opportunities. Will this curse continue? We'll know by Halloween. - as ever BB

A true Philadelphia knows the dark secret of Billy Penn's statue. Do you?

AEIOU

No, it's not a French word, nor a new acronym,, nor a receipt for a debt from an account executive. It's just the list of vowels in the English language. Words in English require a vowel, but our language's exceptions usually outweigh the rules. So, the letter "y" is added as a substitute vowel. Myriad words fall into this category, sky, try, my, fly, but one of the more interesting, larger AEIOU-less words is glyph.

A glyph is a character or symbol. Ancient ideographs compose early written languages i.e. Egyptian hieroglyphs and Mayan pictoglyphs. While less precise than an alphabet, glyphs' artistic interpretations gave creativity and flexibility to early written language. In today's world, computer icons are just modern glyphs. If pictures are worth a thousand words, then glyphs speak volumes. The problem is fitting them into a keyboard.

One last bit of vowel-less trivia is the 1950's basketball star from Temple University, the "Owl without a Vowel" - Bill Mlkvy. Mlkvy also played one season in the NBA with the Philadelphia Warriors.- as ever BB

Partisanship

Last night was the final presidential debate. I have vowed not to take a political stance in this blog. However, airing opposite of the debate was Game 5 of the NLCS. When it comes to the Phillies, I cannot be neutral. Philadelphia is in the World Series for the 6th time in team history. I don't count the Athletics, who after 50 years, left my hometown for Kansas City in 1954.

As a lifelong Philadelphia sports fan, I have endured more than my share of heartache and a lot of criticism about our sportsmanship. Yes, snowballs were thrown at Santa, but that was a symbolic gesture against team ownership, not St. Nick. Okay, other things have been thrown at Ronald McDonald, the Hamburgler, Kite Man, the Dallas Cowboys, et.al. And then there was the Easter Egg hunt before a Phillies game in which the kiddies were booed for not finding the eggs fast enough. But, hey, you buy your ticket, you have the right to boo innocent children. What's wrong with that?

Maybe you only understand that logic if you were weaned on cheese steaks, hoagies, soft pretzels, tasty kakes, Ortliebs and know the secret of Billy Penn.  as ever - BB

"You know what they (Phillie fans) do when the game's rained out? They go to the airport and boo landings." - Bob Uecker

Fall Back

We will soon fall out of daylight saving time. "Saving" not "savings" is the proper spelling. The Energy Policy Act of 2005, changed the springing &  forwarding dates, so the important clock turning occurs 2am, Sunday, November 2. 

Many sources note Benjamin Franklin as an early proponent of DST. Not really. During his time in France, Franklin noticed his hosts' penchant for sleeping late into the day. Ever the prankster, he wrote a satirical bagatelle entitled "An Economical Project".  In it, he suggested laws to mandate the ringing of church bells and the firing of cannons to wake Parisians at dawn. He touted the saving of candle tallow as just one of the myriad benefits. How would ole Ben feel now seeing this bit of whimsy as law in his native land? Whether this exercise actually saves any energy is open to debate. 

So prepare for our semi-annual time shift and check the batteries in your smoke-detector. The state of Arizona is the only continental state  that does not adhere to DST.  When do they change their batteries? as ever - BB

"All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present, but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment and frequently for the worse." - Ben Franklin

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

As the financial markets imitate a yo-yo, investors turn to the experts. They examine trends, bond markets, commodities, etc., to uncover successful investment options. With computers, algorithms and fiscal acumen, they predict models which open windows into our money's future.

Despite all the technological advancements, are these experts any more insightful than the seers of yore? Is logging onto the latest stock market site a better prognosticator than reading the entrails of a pigeon?

How would the Oracle of Delphi, the Persian astrologer Al-Farabi, or Ptolemy of Alexandria guide today's investor. It may sound absurd, but look back a year, two, five, and read the economic forecasts of these modern soothsayers. Could studying the dregs of a teacup, or looking for celestial signs be any worse for the investor? 

In the end, it is all guesswork. The trappings of the modern world give modern predictions a more reliable appearance, but the future remains a mystery. At least if you rely on the offal of a sacrificial lamb to foresee your financial future, you'll have something leftover for dinner - as ever - BB

"An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's." - Will Rogers

Metaphorically Speaking

From the Greek for "to transfer", metaphors give concepts physical feelings, make communication more effective and embellish our language. A recent Wall Street Journal article focused on the torrent of metaphors spouting forth from  politicians describing the nation's financial dilemma. 

"Bail Out", "Perfect Storm", "unclog those financial arteries", "Little Orphan Annie propping up Daddy Warbucks"...it's almost impossible to read anything about the issue without stumbling over this figure of speech. 

But then politicians are mavens of the metaphor. Pork barrel, sunset clause, dark horse, muckraking, grassroots, lame duck, and many more phrases have sprung from the political arena. Prior to the age of electronic transmissions, most speeches were crafted for the print medium. While a rabble-rousing orator could bring a crowd to a frenzy, that frenzy only affected those within earshot. The introduction of radio and later television shifted focus from the written to the spoken word; giving birth to the sound bite.  The metaphor proved itself ruler of whatever medium was thrown its way. 

However, today's instant access culture has tarnished the poetic lilt of the political metaphor. So we have "lipstick on a pig" as opposed to "the better angels of our nature". as ever - BB

"Under democracy one party devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right." - H.L. Mencken

Early Morning Symphony

Living in the city, you become selectively deaf to certain sounds - traffic noises, the sirens of emergency vehicles, medivac helicopters, etc.

This morning though was different. About a hour before dawn, sitting out in my back enclosure, the cityscape hidden behind a heavy fog, nostalgic sounds soothed my senses. First from the sea terminal, fog horns echoed through the mist. Right after that, a lonesome train whistle reverberated through the aurora. My mind transported to a simpler age when far-away travel connoted mystery and imagination. 

In this digital age with lightening quick data transmission and voluminous information at our fingertips, the centuries old sound of trains and ships can comfort our collective consciousness. - as ever BB

"Penetrating so many secrets we cease to believe in the unknowable. But there it sits nevertheless, calmly licking its chops." - H.L. Mencken

Old Dog- New Words

Well maybe old dogs can't learn new tricks, but this old dog has picked up a new word. Over a libation at a public house last night, I learned coloquation. From the Latin "co" - together and "eloquor" - to speak out. Coloquation is what linguists call words that have become intertwined due to continued usage - staunch Republican, liberal Democrat,, bosom buddy, bitter enemies, etc. Though comparing Republicans and Democrats maybe bitter buddies and bosom enemies is more apt.

Working in advertising, we have our coloquation like "brand new" or "new and improved". That has always irked me. If it's new and never existed, how can it already be improved? I guess an old dog can also be an old curmudgeon. - as ever BB

"There is nothing which has yet to be contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn." - Dr. Samuel Johnson

Day Dreaming

It was brought to my attention that today is National Punctuation Day! What is up with that? A period of time to dash around and exclaim brackets and ellipsis? 

Earth Day is April 22, Catfish Day is June 25, Left-handers day is August 13, Apple Day is October 21, Forefathers Day is December 21.  It never ends. 

Mankind will find anyway to brighten its mundane existence. Before the veil of civilization, people celebrated the changing of the seasons; these evolved into religious holy days. Governments morphed nationalism/patriotism into the celebration of  holidays. Concerned citizens carried the gauntlets of their particular causes into more holidays. Greeting card companies gave additional reasons to send notes of good-will. Producers of sundry products and services followed suit. 

So take time today to give thanks and praise for the poor, misused semi-colon, the ubiquitous coma and the other punctuation marks.  All together now, "Conjunction junction what's your function..." as ever - BB

Back in the Saddle

As they say, I'm back in the saddle after a little R&R. Who are they anyway? Whoever they are, they sure have a lot to say. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight is out of mind.  They say  ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power. Many hands make light work, but too many cooks spoil the broth. Money talks, but talk is cheap. Action speaks louder than words, but the pen is mightier than the sword. 

All this being said, they don't know much at all. You may agree with me as great minds think alike. Of course, as they say, fools seldom differ. - as ever - BB

"When a true genius appears in this world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." - Jonathan Swift

Part III: It was a dark and stormy night...

Okay, I promise this is the last entry using these words. First written by Victorian novelist, Edward Bulwer-Lytton, they have become an icon of florid, tumescent language. So much so, that the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest awards prizes each year to deliciously excruciatingly bad opening lines. Here are a couple past winners:

"Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, NJ'"

"The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through your last meal'"

This will be my last post for a while as I am off for some R&R. To quote John Huston in The Treasure of Sierra Madre, "...from now on you'll have to make your way through life without my assistance." Or, at least until I return - as ever BB

Part II: It was a dark and stormy night...

...I sat at my desk and nursed a bottle of bonded rye. Hearing the door open, I raised my peepers just in time to see her sashay in. That moll had gams that wouldn't quit. I slid my roscoe into the top drawer as I rose to greet her...

The patois of the hard-boiled detective story is a thing of beauty. Like the hep-cat's jive of the 30's and 40's, this colorful language tingles with excitement and danger. Gleaned from novels such as Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep and Dashiell Hammett's The Maltese Falcon, these words slide over the tongue as smoothly as a shot of single-cask bourbon.

Other authors of note for this genre are Chester Himes, Robert B. Parker and Mickey Spillane. I strongly believe that the correct music can enhance the pleasure of reading. For this style, I recommend cool jazz: Lester Young - "The Complete Aladdin Recordings", Miles Davis - "The Birth of Cool", Stan Getz - "For Musicians Only".

"A good story cannot be devised; it has to be distilled." - Raymond Chandler

Part I: It was a dark and stormy night...

This classic, cliche opening to a mystery, or Gothic tale, has always put a smile on my face. It brings to mind Snoopy typing these words atop his doghouse.

Said to have begun in the mid-18th century with Horace Walpole's Castle of Otranto, many feel the Gothic tale reached its apex during the Victorian Age. From Mary Shelley's Frankenstein: The Modern Prometheus, to Poe's Fall of the House of Usher, to Hawthorne's House of the Seven Gables, to Stoker's Dracula, tales of the macabre take the reader into a miasma of dark romance, the supernatural and the occult.

What better way to pass the chilly nights of autumn than sitting in a candle-lit room, reading some Gothic literature? Preferably with Mozart's "Requiem", Beethoven's "Missa Solemnis", or a Bach fugue playing softly.

As for mysteries, my taste leans to the hard-boiled detective genre, but more on that another time. - as ever - BB

"I have, indeed, no abhorrence to danger, except in its absolute effect - in terror." - Edgar Allen Poe's Fall of the House of Usher

Lidsville

Despite the allusion to the Sid & Marty Kroft surrealistic  TV show (one of their trilogy of odd shows - H.R. Pufnstuf 1969; The Bugaloos 1970; Lidsville 1971), today's topic is hats.

I've always wanted a Panama hat for a cool cabeza and a cooler look. This summer I found the motivation to acquire one. An authentic Panama hat made from paja toquilla in Ecuador, yes Ecuador. The name Panama hat is a misnomer. These fine, light, resilient hats are produced in Ecuador. In the mid-19th century when the country started exporting these hats, it was found that the best area for distribution was the isthmus of Panama. With the construction of the canal at the start of the 20th century, the hat's popularity grew. The distribution center's name was attached to said hat and another great trivial fact was born. 

I have been so please with my new lid, that I have decided to do my part to bring the hat back into fashion. So this fall I will visit my local hatter (makers of women's hats are milliners; makers of men's hats are hatters - enough to make you mad) to be fitted for my fedora. After that who knows, a porkpie, trilby, maybe even the hard stuff like a derby or a homberg. - as ever - BB

"You've gotta have heart to make it in this business." - Dexter Gordon - eulogized in "Goodbye Porkpie Hat" by Charlie Mingus

All Vegans Dance Hard

On Saturday, 9/6, several members of the Gaga team drove west followed by the first bands of tropical storm Hanna, to attend the ribbon-cutting for the opening of the new hotel at Charles Town Races & Slots. The soundtrack for this road-trip was mid to late 70's R&B. As we boogied on down 70 West grooving to the rhythm of the rain and the funk , it was mentioned that a fellow team-member loves to dance.  One of the gang observed that she abstains from meat and all the herbivores he knows are avid dancers.

Why? The answer is unclear. Is there something in meat that blocks dancing proteins? Does an abundance of soy-based products give the feet more rhythm & bounce? We may never know, but what we do know is all vegans dance hard! - as ever - BB

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." - Charlie "Bird" Parker

"I don't care much about music. What I like is sound." - Dizzy Gillespie

Hard-Hearted Hannah

Remember the "vamp of Savannah, GA"? It was said she'd "pour water on a drowning man". This tune from 1924 was performed  by Paul Whiteman's Orchestra (I believe after the legendary Bix Beiderbecke left the band), Ella Fitzgerald, Ray Charles, Bobby Darin and others. 

Well, Hannah's namesake hurricane (minus the last h) is bearing down on the southeastern US coast. Looks like she will hit landfall a little north and east of Savannah. But rain and wind will be inundating the coastal regions. Predicting these storms is like shooting craps. You can play the odds, but there's always a chance for box-cars or snake-eyes. So batten down the hatches and stock up on the necessities. Why is it water and batteries for hurricanes, but milk and toilet paper for snowstorms? - as ever BB

"You don't like it, do you Rocco, the storm? Show it your gun, why don't you? If it doesn't stop, shoot it." - Humphrey Bogart to Edward G. Robinson in the film "Key Largo"

Wild Horses

Despite the refrain of the Rolling Stones' tune, wild horses are a rare thing in today's world. The horse was extinct in the western hemisphere before the Spanish "discovered" the Novus Orbis. In the United States, the mustang is considered a wild horse by some, but they are actually descendants of domesticated equine left by the conquistadors. 

One wild breed that still wanders the Asian plains is the onager. This sturdy animal has suffered loss of habitat and other intrusions by man, but still survives. They are nearly impossible to domesticate and are known for their vicious rear kicks. So much so, that the Romans called their catapults onagers because of the dangerous kick-back these small ballistae produced. The name onager derives from the Greek word for ass. 

Even the ancients knew that be it an animal or a siege weapon, it's not smart to stand behind a wild ass. - as ever BB

Fall Into White Shoes

According to astronomers, fall begins with the autumnal equinox, which this year occurs at 3:44pm EDT on September 22. However, meteorologists divide the seasons into specific quarters of the year. In the northern hemisphere, autumn begins on September 1 and ends on November 30. 

Stargazers and weather-watchers can debate celestial positioning versus average temperatures. However, the fashion police are far more stringent. The wearing of white shoes ends on Labor Day.

Why? It's been said that white shoes reflect the sun and as the temperature drops, darker shoes are needed to maintain the foot's warmth. This is simply blatant rationalization. You don't wear white shoes after Labor Day because it is a rule. Without this rule, we would have podiatric anarchy.  Those who flaunt such rules should be considered archenemies, sole-less heels in step with Mephistopheles. As ever - BB

"The goodness of a true pun is in direct ratio to its intolerability." - Edgar Allen Poe

Welcome

Today starts the adventures of the Gaga blog. I really have no set agenda, but as O Henry said: "The True adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate." And unknown it is. Don't expect elucidation or information. At best, I will provide some interesting storys and anectdotes which you will find pleasing. Again, to quote O Henry, I will attempt to "Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence." - as ever - Bill