Historical Apocrypha

Today's word is apocrypha. Originally referring to books of the bible that had dubious origins, it means writings or beliefs that are not true. History is full of these, and here are a few of my favorites.

Napoleon was short. This is so wide-spread that a short man syndrome bears his name. Two reasons exist for this misbelief. First, in 1821 when he died, the French physician listed the emperor's height as 5'2". This figure uses the French measurement know as pieds de roi. Using our measurement system Napoleon's height was 5' 6.5". At that time the average height was 5' 5", so he was of slightly above average height. The other reason is that history is written by the victors. Deriding Napoleon's stature sat better with his enemies.

Before Columbus' voyage of 1492 most people thought the world was flat. Blame this one on an 1828 biography of Columbus written by Washington Irving. It contains as much truth as the legend of Sleepy Hollow. Going back to the Ancient Greeks, most knowledgeable men understood the earth was an orb.

Sir Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet. Two things are incorrect with this statement. Mr. Crapper was never knighted. Somehow along the way a "Sir" was added to his ignoble name. The first flushing commode was patented by an Alexander Cummings in 1775, sixty years before Thomas' birth. Crapper owned a plumbing store and held several patents to improve the toilet, but was not, nor ever claim to be, it's inventor. 

There was never a battle on Bunker Hill, Jayne Mansfield was not decapitated, the Great Wall of China cannot be seen from space...exercise your skepticism because things aren't always as you were told.  - as ever BB

"Great intellects are skeptical." - Frederich Nietzsche

The Bird

Nothing avian about this entry, it concerns what I'll call the middle finger salute. Due to my penchant for arcane knowledge,  people constantly send me emails about interesting facts. Most are spurious. 

One purported the middle finger gesture originated at the Battle of Agincourt. Allegedly, the French planned to cut off the middle fingers of the defeated English longbow men, so in the future they could not operate their lethal weapon. After a surprising English victory, the archers taunted the French by extending their middle fingers. Several things are wrong with this scenario. 

First the use of the middle finger as an insult dates back to the ancient Greeks. Roman historians relate it's use as a degrading gesture in Greek comedies. They even gave it a name: digitus impudicus (impudent finger) . 

Secondly, this decisive battle introduced the use of the longbow's effectiveness in a large conflict. The French could not have anticipated the weapon's impact. And, being mostly nobles, the French discredited the English peasant archers as inferiors.  So, it is doubtful they planned such an action against them. 

While not as creative as other motions like the bent elbow or flicking the hand under one's chin, this simple gesture has an appeal that you can't put your finger on.- as ever BB

"For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother..that fought with us upon St. Crispin's day." -  Henry V, Wm. Shakespeare - Henry V's address to his troops before the Battle of Agincourt

Valentine's Day - Whose Fault?

February 14 is the bane of many men. What to get - flowers, candy, jewelry, chocolate, a vacuum cleaner? Then there's the card! Who writes those things? Your choice is a paean of cloying sentimentality, or silly, sophomoric doggerel.  

Tradition puts the blame on St. Valentine, but which one? The Catholic church recognizes three, one from Rome, one from Umbria and one whose origins are foggy, but was martyred in Africa. The connection between any of these and romance is tenuous and most probably apocryphal. 

Actual blame starts with those pesky troubadours of the 12th and 13th centuries. Before them, there was no concept of romantic love. Chaucer mentions a tradition of Volantynyis Day in his poem Parlement of Foules. However, no record of a tradition can be found before this allusion. The true culprit is a cabal made up of florists, greeting card and candy companies. 

One bright spot is the seasonal outbreak of conversation hearts - those ubiquitous hard candies with messages like "Oh You Kid" and "Be Mine". The New England Confectionery Company (of NECCO Wafer fame) will make over 8 billion of them this year. Inexpensive and available at any corner store, these make for a great emergency gift. You can't tell if they are stale, so if you're lucky, you might still have some left over from last year. - as ever BB

"...one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on love lyrics." - Frank Zappa

The Day Superman Died

Today in 1968, Neal Cassady died after being found in a coma lying next to railroad tracks outside San Miquel de Allende, Mexico. Raised by an alcoholic father in a series of skid row flop houses, self-educated in public libraries and pool halls, Cassady became a touchstone of the Beat Generation. 

Reading Jack Kerouac, he's Dean Moriarty and Cody Pomeroy. In Howl, Allen Ginsberg calls him "N.C. secret hero of these poems". In his book about the Hell's Angels, Hunter Thompson refers to him as "the worldly inspiration for the protagonist in two recent novels." He was Sir Speed Limit, the driver of Further/Furthur, the Merry Pranksters' psychedelic bus - mentioned as "Cowboy Neal at the wheel of a bus to never-ever land" in the Grateful Dead song That's It for the Other One.

The title of this blog comes from a piece Ken Kesey wrote about the death of Cassady. Kesey imagines him counting railroad ties on his way home and quotes his last words as sixty-four thousand, nine hundred and twenty-eight. Cassady's prowess behind the wheel was legendary; his raps were inspirational and maniacal. He could quote from memory large sections of Proust's epic, Remembrance of Things Past. To quote author/Prankster/Skypilot, Ken Babbs, "He was divine and imperfect merged...a singular talent with a singular mission."

Neal Cassady died  four days prior to his 42nd birthday. Requiescat in pace - as ever BB

"Never knock the way the other cat swings." - Neal Cassady

Special Birthday

February 12, 1809 - a baby boy was born to a poor Kentucky farmer while across the Atlantic, a wealthy English doctor had a son. 200 years after the births of Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin, they remain two of the most recognizable figures in history. The memories of both are shrouded in myth. More the pity, as their actual stories with all their human foibles exposed are much more interesting. That task belongs to others, but here are some interesting facts:

Darwin was not hired as the Beagle's naturalist, but invited on the voyage to be the captain's dining partner. He assume the position of naturalist and was not paid. Darwin never mentions the word evolution in The Origin of Species, and it was 20 years after the voyage  before he published this work.

Lincoln is the only President to hold a patent (a devise for buoying vessels over shoals). Most people felt he won the famous Lincoln/Douglass debates, but Douglass won the election. Then, the people did not vote for senators. The state legislatures did. Senators were not universally elected by popular vote until the passage of the 17th amendment in 1913. 

Politics and science can now destroy the world; however, these two men used them to enrich us all. as ever - BB

"Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves." - Abraham Lincoln

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence that does knowledge." - Charles Darwin