Valentine's Day - Whose Fault?

February 14 is the bane of many men. What to get - flowers, candy, jewelry, chocolate, a vacuum cleaner? Then there's the card! Who writes those things? Your choice is a paean of cloying sentimentality, or silly, sophomoric doggerel.  

Tradition puts the blame on St. Valentine, but which one? The Catholic church recognizes three, one from Rome, one from Umbria and one whose origins are foggy, but was martyred in Africa. The connection between any of these and romance is tenuous and most probably apocryphal. 

Actual blame starts with those pesky troubadours of the 12th and 13th centuries. Before them, there was no concept of romantic love. Chaucer mentions a tradition of Volantynyis Day in his poem Parlement of Foules. However, no record of a tradition can be found before this allusion. The true culprit is a cabal made up of florists, greeting card and candy companies. 

One bright spot is the seasonal outbreak of conversation hearts - those ubiquitous hard candies with messages like "Oh You Kid" and "Be Mine". The New England Confectionery Company (of NECCO Wafer fame) will make over 8 billion of them this year. Inexpensive and available at any corner store, these make for a great emergency gift. You can't tell if they are stale, so if you're lucky, you might still have some left over from last year. - as ever BB

"...one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on love lyrics." - Frank Zappa

The Day Superman Died

Today in 1968, Neal Cassady died after being found in a coma lying next to railroad tracks outside San Miquel de Allende, Mexico. Raised by an alcoholic father in a series of skid row flop houses, self-educated in public libraries and pool halls, Cassady became a touchstone of the Beat Generation. 

Reading Jack Kerouac, he's Dean Moriarty and Cody Pomeroy. In Howl, Allen Ginsberg calls him "N.C. secret hero of these poems". In his book about the Hell's Angels, Hunter Thompson refers to him as "the worldly inspiration for the protagonist in two recent novels." He was Sir Speed Limit, the driver of Further/Furthur, the Merry Pranksters' psychedelic bus - mentioned as "Cowboy Neal at the wheel of a bus to never-ever land" in the Grateful Dead song That's It for the Other One.

The title of this blog comes from a piece Ken Kesey wrote about the death of Cassady. Kesey imagines him counting railroad ties on his way home and quotes his last words as sixty-four thousand, nine hundred and twenty-eight. Cassady's prowess behind the wheel was legendary; his raps were inspirational and maniacal. He could quote from memory large sections of Proust's epic, Remembrance of Things Past. To quote author/Prankster/Skypilot, Ken Babbs, "He was divine and imperfect merged...a singular talent with a singular mission."

Neal Cassady died  four days prior to his 42nd birthday. Requiescat in pace - as ever BB

"Never knock the way the other cat swings." - Neal Cassady

Special Birthday

February 12, 1809 - a baby boy was born to a poor Kentucky farmer while across the Atlantic, a wealthy English doctor had a son. 200 years after the births of Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin, they remain two of the most recognizable figures in history. The memories of both are shrouded in myth. More the pity, as their actual stories with all their human foibles exposed are much more interesting. That task belongs to others, but here are some interesting facts:

Darwin was not hired as the Beagle's naturalist, but invited on the voyage to be the captain's dining partner. He assume the position of naturalist and was not paid. Darwin never mentions the word evolution in The Origin of Species, and it was 20 years after the voyage  before he published this work.

Lincoln is the only President to hold a patent (a devise for buoying vessels over shoals). Most people felt he won the famous Lincoln/Douglass debates, but Douglass won the election. Then, the people did not vote for senators. The state legislatures did. Senators were not universally elected by popular vote until the passage of the 17th amendment in 1913. 

Politics and science can now destroy the world; however, these two men used them to enrich us all. as ever - BB

"Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves." - Abraham Lincoln

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence that does knowledge." - Charles Darwin

The Garden State

New Jersey is the Rodney Dangerfield of the United States. From Ben Franklin's comment that it's a keg tapped at both ends to Andy Warhol's quip the the state bird  is the mosquito, Jersey gets no respect. Jersey is the only "New" state that regularly drops the first word in its name. The others don't say York, or Mexico or Hampshire. but ask someone from the Garden State where they live, and you will get a succinct, Jersey.

The first thing to understand about the state is it's schizophrenic nature. In colonial times, it was West and East Jersey. Now it's North and South Jersey. That indeterminate line lies somewhere around Trenton. This dual personality harks back to Franklin's comment as the state is overshadowed by New York City and Philadelphia. 

My home state is known as a dump for garbage and the mob's dead bodies, for syringes and condoms lapping up on our beaches, for toxic waste and chemical plants. In size, population density, percentage of open versus populated land and industrial development, New Jersey is comparable to Connecticut. But the latter is seen as a beautiful piece of New England and the former is seen as a smelly piece of...you get the idea. 

A reason for this could be that the two major highways through Connecticut amble past pastoral greenery while the Jersey Turnpike and Garden State Parkway bisect oil refineries and electric plants. 

Jersey has miles of beautiful beaches, the best diners, delicious tomatoes, juicy blueberries and the Pine Barrens - mysterious home of the Jersey Devil. Plus you never have to pump your own gas! Only someone raised in the loving, yet callous, bosom of New Jersey could persevere the brunt of endless jokes, the disdain of the other 49 states and remain the epitome of cool. - as ever - BB

"The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New Jersey." - Woody Allen

This jive bows my wig!

Translation: This language excites me! 

Jive's murky history begins with the African American slave experience in which people of different languages and dialects strove to communicate in a hostile, foreign environment. Simmered like a gumbo in New Orleans, it absorbed creole phrasing and inflections. Early Jazz musicians added their riffs and carried it up the Mississippi to Chicago and finally New York. During this journey, jive assimilated nuances from the nefarious world of criminals, the imagery of poets and the sundry input of ne'er-do-wells.  Never stagnant, jive constantly changed meanings and revised words, so even the cognoscente struggled to stay hip.

As an example, take the word for someone who understands jive, or in the patois "has their boots on" - Originally a hepster, then a hep-cat, then a hipster, then transformed into an adjective "to be hip", and by the 1960s had morphed into the iconic hippie.

To experience the vibrancy of this colorful language, I recommend three sources: Cab Calloway's  The New Hepster's Dictionary, the Language of Jive, Milton "Mezz" Messrow's Really the Blues and any of the brilliant monologues from comic stylist Lord Buckley which are now available as MP3s  - as ever - BB

"Hipsters, flipsters and finger-poppin' daddies, knock me your lobes!" - Lord Buckley's jive rendition of "Friends, Romans and countrymen, lend me your ears." from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.

Crazy Counsel

Many years ago, an old friend told me this fable. He attributed it to the founder of Hasidic Judaism, Ba'al Shem Tov. Whether or not that is accurate, I do not know. But it has always amused and uplifted me.

A rabbi was an advisor to a king. One day the king called him into his chambers. The king told the rabbi that through his spy network, he discovered that an enemy had poisoned the kingdom's water supply. The poison would not kill, but make all who drank it insane. The king had a private, secure water source. He asked the rabbi, "How can I rule my subjects? They will all be insane and if I remain sane, they will think me crazy. What should I do?"

The rabbi thought for a while and then told the king, "We shall mark our foreheads and then drink the poisoned water like everyone else. We will become crazy, but the mark will remind us that we chose to be crazy. That will make all the difference." - as ever - BB

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are others crazy?" - Albert Einstein

Balls of Confusion

Friends continually suggest topics for my blog. I am remiss in thanking them, but appreciate their help.  Any assistance for ideas is welcome . Whether or not I follow up remains my prerogative.  Two such suggestions melded in my cranium and provide today's rumination.

First is the pawn brokers' symbol of three golden balls. Anyone who has passed a pawn shop knows this symbol. Great places to find bargains, they are usually located in the  seedier parts of town which provides an excellent opportunity to absorb local color. 

Several etymologies exist for the symbol. Banking pioneers, the Medici family's crest contained three gold orbs. The seal of the  Italian province of Lombardy has three gold coins. One side of the Jewish shekel had three pomegranates on a single stem. Any of these, or a combination of them could be the origin of the symbol. One interesting side-note is that St. Nicholas is the Patron Saint of pawn shops. Ironic as many of us could avail ourselves of this form of money lending to pay off our holiday bills.

The other blog suggestion was the source of the phrase "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". This expression is said to come from the storage of cannon balls on a ship. The iron cannon balls would be stacked on a brass plate call a "monkey". Cold temperatures would shrink the plate causing the balls to fall off. 

Colorful, but debunked by both the US Navy and the Oxford English Dictionary. Cannon balls were stored in shot racks on the spar or gun deck. The OED further notes that the phrase "cold enough to freeze the tail off a brass monkey" as preceding the testicular version. Small brass monkey figurines from Asia were popular gifts in the Victorian era. The editors believe the later embellishment was more for effect than accuracy. - as ever BB

"A man's errors are his portals of discovery." - James Joyce