Acute Hirsute

One of the secondary sex characteristics of the human male is the increase production of body hair. Through the ages, man has had a love/hate relationship with his facial hair. Some civilizations embraced beards to others they were anathema.

Archaeologists found clam shells believed to be used by Neanderthals to pluck facial hair. Alexander the Great banned the beard from his army to deny foes whiskers for which to grasp his soldiers. The Greeks and Romans saw beards as a sign of virility.

By the 17th century, facial hair fell out of fashion in Europe. Peter the Great so strongly desired to follow the continent's lead that he levied a whisker tax to trim the Boyars' beards. Two centuries later, facial hair experienced a regrowth and entered its Golden Age.

The 19th century saw muttonchops, mustache wax and meticulously manicured beards. No American President sported facial hair until Abraham Lincoln. Abe's beard started a trend and for the next 52 years, all but two chief executives followed suit. The last President with facial hair was William Howard Taft.

"Never trust a man in a beard." 20th century society embraced this adage. A man in a beard must be hiding something. Only bohemians and ne'er-do-wells wore whiskers. Anarchistic beatniks donned goatees as they played the bongos. The word "beard" became slang for subterfuge. Married movie moguls romancing young starlets would attend premieres and galas with their paramours and a good-looking young actor. Said actor was the mogul's "beard" to throw off inquiring gossip columnists.

At first genes, then later corporate policies, gave my facial hair a close shave. However by my 40s, my free spirit manifested itself. For the past 15 years, I have sported a Van Dyck as an outward sign of my non-conformity. Well, that and the tattoos - as ever BB

"There's many a man has more hair than wit." - William Shakespeare